Last week, we talked about Zombie Affiliate Programs—those undead channels limping along with no strategy, no partner engagement, and no growth.
This week, we go deeper: Where do these zombies come from? And why don’t brands realize they’re raising the dead—until it’s too late?
Two Reasons Zombie Programs Happen
1. The Agency Model is Built on Quiet Failure
Here’s the truth: most affiliate agencies have a high client churn model. They lose clients all the time. So what do they do?
They hedge. They put the least number of hours possible into each account and hope they get just enough results to avoid scrutiny.
Most clients don’t notice—because:
- Affiliate is usually a side channel, not the headline number
- Agencies flood you with passive reports that look “busy”
- The affiliate partner list is just recycled from client to client
It’s not that the people are bad. It’s that the system bets on your distraction.
2. Your Affiliate Manager Is Overloaded (or MIA)
If you have an internal affiliate manager—or even someone wearing multiple hats—this one’s for you.
Affiliate is a grind. Weekly recruiting. Partner activation. Tracking audits. Bonus strategy. Comms calendar. And it needs real time.
But most affiliate managers are managing:
- 3+ platforms
- 6+ other responsibilities
- and 0 strategic headspace
The result? You have a partially-alive program that never scales, never breaks, and never grows.
Which is exactly what zombies do.
Here’s What the Good Ones Do Differently
At Chief of Chaos, we treat affiliate like a channel that deserves real leadership, not just maintenance.
We:
- Assign dedicated strategic operators to each program
- Integrate into your broader growth and content plans
- Track weekly traction metrics, not just monthly revenue
- Build tiering systems, outreach cadences, bonus structures, and partner pipelines
- Align affiliate with LTV, CAC, and blended efficiency metrics—not just vanity clicks
It’s not magic. It’s management. And it works.
Weekly Chaos Challenge
Pull up your affiliate program reporting.
Ask yourself:
Who’s in charge of actually growing this channel—not just reporting on it?
If the answer is “the agency” or “it’s on someone’s list,” you’ve already got a zombie forming under your desk.
Want Us to Inspect the Body?
We’re offering a Free Affiliate Program Audit—a $4,000 value—because we believe most brands are sitting on way more potential than they realize.
We’ll identify:
- Structural issues
- Tracking failures
- Strategy gaps
- And opportunities for partner-driven scale
No pitch. Just the facts. Request your free audit TODAY: https://chiefofchaos.com/affiliate-audit/
Until next week— If no one’s actively building the channel, it’s slowly dying. Let’s revive it.
—Matt Frary Chief of Chaos
